


I want to see the sea and think of you

by esclarmonde



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Break Up, Custom Hawke, Eventual Fluff, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 08:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6696937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esclarmonde/pseuds/esclarmonde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When trust is challenged, considering what's changed, lost or gained is never easy.<br/>Following Act II ending, Hawke and Isabela have to do just that, talking honestly about what happened and how they feel and redefining the nature of their relationship (for once, without hiding behind humour or innuendo).</p>
<p>Possible spoilers for Act II ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I want to see the sea and think of you

And so it was that the pirate queen, her elegant brow frowning under the weight of much doubt, went to speak with the young warrior.

The young warrior had prepared a rich meal, excellent wine and blazing flames in the fireplace to greet her properly. But shame made the food taste like ashes in the pirate’s mouth, uncertainty made the wine flavourless, and sadness chilled her bones so deeply that the fire could not dispel it. Pleasantries and wit were exchanged, but when the meal was done the pirate queen frowned again as her friend spoke. “For a moment, back there... I really thought you were not coming back. Ever.” The warrior said, gazing intently into the flames so as to not cross the pirate’s eyes. Her voice was heavy with tension and a dull kind of sadness, her back stiff and unreadable.

“Yeah, I... almost did, I told you what I meant to do.” The pirate sounded thoughtful and pained, too, albeit a different kind of pain: sharper and fresher, more intense. “I really, really tried to not come back. But, I realised that no matter how much I tried to not be tied to you by love, it was too late. You’re family, Hawke, and I do not leave family behind. Ever.” She got closer to the warrior as she spoke, hesitating the briefest of moments before putting a hand around her waist, feeling the warm flesh under the silken robe. She sensed the warrior tensing, but it wasn’t a rejection.

The pirate queen’s voice was just barely above a whisper. “I’d trust you with my life. Hell, I just did a few days ago, I do every time you manage to convince me you’ve found an easy job for us. And you proved, prove, me right every time. And back there with the Arishok, you made me proud. You managed to do the right thing and the stupid thing all in one, like only you can do.” And pride there was now in her voice as she laid her head against the warrior’s shoulder. And yet, the young woman stood still and silent, her expression hard to make out in the shifting light. After some impossibly long seconds, the tension in her back eased, her breath relaxed, and at last she turned towards the pirate. The hurt in her eyes, the doubt, the questions, all made worse by how cruelly the fire enhanced every crease, every line.

“I know. I know, Isabela. Do you really think I would have invited you here tonight and shared food and wine with you, if I didn’t consider you a friend? Do you really think I would have done so only to then say to you: _go away, and never dare to show your face ever again_? Do you really think me that big of a fool, or of a monster? You know me better than that.” And a sad smile graced the warrior’s mouth and made its way to her eyes, and the pirate got a whiff of her scent, leather and sweat and cedar wood, and she closed her eyes savouring it all.

“Isabela, what you just said makes me feel so happy, but you know me. I’ll need time, time to think and to heal. And...” The warrior paused, distraught. She tenderly traced the line of the pirate queen’s jaw and this seemed to give her the strength to go on. “Whatever we will end up having, it will never be what we had before.” A hard tone in her voice, almost scolding. The words lingered in the air between them. “But you’re right. This wasn’t just an adventure. We learnt from each other, we've grown together, and this is something that we’ll always have. I won’t let regrets and what ifs tarnish it, Isabela. I want to see the sea and think of you, of the time we spent together. I want to see the sea... and feel at home.” And the pirate queen felt the warrior’s strong hands around her shoulders, every inch of beloved calluses and small scars she knew so well, and then their hands somehow found each other, and their eyes met and the space between them became smaller and warmer.

The pirate’s voice was coarse, her mouth dry, but the words flowed freely, almost blurted out, as if she was scared they could betray her. “My loyalty is to you and I’ll be at you side, be it lover, companion, or both. But I want one last gift. You owe me that much.” And now her gaze was sure and her chin held high, proudly. “Words are pretty, but they can be so complicated. Deceiving. Dance with me one last time, Hawke.” Said the pirate queen, moving away from the fire and into the cooler shadows of the hallway. And how alluring her voice, her silhouette outlined against the fire elegant as an ancient statue, and the scent of the sea and its promises was strong on her.

And so it was the warrior’s turn to drive back the tears stinging her eyes like needles, and her feet and hands knew which dance was the one now asked of her. It was a dance they learnt together on the seashore, one night when the moon was high in the sky and there was music coming from the pier, spiced wine on their lips, brine in their clothes and hair. How sweet Isabela’s mouth felt, how soft her skin, her laughter as they fell on the sand, kissing each other until they were breathless.

And the warrior knew that this last dance was the pirate queen’s way to ensure that those precious memories would be remembered fondly, with no doubts or deceit shadowing them. _I want to see the sea and feel at home_. One last gift, perhaps the most precious one, to and for both of them.

Their dance ended, the warrior holding the pirate tightly, refusing to let this moment come to a close. “I wish I was better. That I could forgive you here and now, with no whens and ifs. I’m sorry, Isabela.” Her voice a whisper, as if she felt ashamed by those words. “Oh, I know you will. Just... not now. As you said, you need time, and maybe a couple of drinks followed by yelling about what an unbelievable, uncaring asshole I am. We’ll be fine.” Said the pirate, kissing the warrior’s fingers tenderly. “And when the time is right for you, you know where to find me.” She concluded, gently breaking free of the embrace. She left with the dawn, disappearing in the golden light, so nimble and silent she might have been just a brief, beautiful dream.

The warrior stood there a while longer, and in the shadow it might have been that tears streamed down her cheeks, or maybe that was later, her face pressed against the pillow to muffle the sobs.

But this is sure: that after a while the young warrior looked for the pirate queen and they drank and laughed together like good friends do. And once in a while, when the moon was full and the night warm with wine and whispers, two figures danced on the seashore, so close they could have been one; not a single word spoken between them, only a perfect harmony in each and every motion.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello folks!  
> First of all, thanks for reading. This is my first fic in English (which isn't my mother tongue) and my coming back to writing after literally years. Posting it is a bit scary, but hey, I've already written it, I'd rather learn something from feedback and mistakes than letting it rot on my hard disk!  
> I'll appreciate any advice and criticism you have, but please consider the above and try to be constructive and gentle, if possible :)
> 
> I used a formulaic style trying to emulate the one of the folk/fairy tales my grandmother told me. I'm not sure I succeedeed, but having a pre-defined structure helped me to focus while writing.  
> I don't think I managed to capture Isabela's "voice" well, I'm aware of this and it's something I want to get better at. For now, I'm happy with just being able to give a form to my thoughts and put them into words.
> 
> Thank you again!


End file.
